funjokes: June 2008

YEH WAKT NAHIN HAI RONE KA
YEH WAVT HAI BACHA HONE KA
TAB KYUN NA ROI THI
JAB CHIPAK KE SOI THI
AB JO KIA HAI VOH BHARO
TAB TO KEHTI THI AUR KARO AUR KARO

1) Lady 2 Doctor: sir SEX ke liye konsa samay Uchit hai..?
Doctor: Dopahar 2 se 4...
Lady: woh kyon...?
Doctor: compounder nahi hota iss liye...

2) Kya aap SEX karte hai,
Kya aap CONDOM use karte hain,
Kya aap AIDS se darte hai,
To aap HATH se Q nahi karte hai,
HATH chale to AIDS tale.

3) Did you hear about the restaurant that promotes safe sex?
They write the bill on a condom so you can wine and dine your date,
and then stick her with the bill.

4) Lady 2 Dr.:mera beta motor cycle se gir gaya.
Dr:I dont know hindi talk in englsh.
Sir,i no speak eng.
Dr.Try pls.
Lady:My londa gironda from hero honda....

5) On honeymoon Night, the groom lights up a match stick near wife's pussy. Wife: Why did u do this? Groom: Dosto ne kaha ki pehle achchhi tarah Garam karma

1) Batao wo Aankhe jinme Khwab nhi hai..
Batao wo Dil jisme Armaan nhi hai..
Batao wo Insaa jo pareshan nhi hai..
Ya sirf,batado wo Jameen jaha Aasman nhi hai..

2) Dekh kar humain wo SIR jhukate hai, bula kar MEHFIL mein NAJRAIN churate hai, NAFRAT hai hum se to bhi koi BAAT nahi Tu dekh ya na dekh, tere dekhne ka gam nahi, Par teri ye na dekhne ki ada dekhne se kam nahi.

3) Hm hain toh voh hain isi sapne mein jeete hain, jab toot ke bikhar jate hain toh ashko mein jeete hain, kehte hain use Kismat jise hm Dard kehte hain. .

4) Khushiya itni ho ke ankho me ansu jam jaye, lamhe ho itne hasin ke waqt bhi thaM jaye, Dosti nibhaynge hum apse is tarah k sath guzra har pal zindagi baN jaye

5) Bichde hue saathi ro-ro kar naa saza de,
Dua karna khuda se phir mila de,
Bhojh judaii ka uthaya nahi jaata,
Dushwaar hoga jeena mar kar kaise bhula de.

6) Rishte kaanch ke bane hote hain, Jo tutne par chubhte hain,
Hatheli par sambhal kar rakhna inhe, Kyonki ye tutne mein "Pal" aur "Jodne" me barso lete hain..

7) Nahi rakhte hum vafa ki ummid kise se Bhi,hum ne har dum bewafai jo pai hai,mat dhundh hamare jism pe jakhm k nishan,hum ne har chot dil pe khai hai..!!

8) Socha na tha k kabi dosti hogi, dil jiske liye ro sake vaisi ulfat hogi, ab jannat ki galio ka rasta kyu dekhu, jahan tum ho wahi se janat shuru hogi..

9) Muddat ho gai un tanhaiyo ko guzre,Fir ab bi in ankho me woh khamoshi kyu he?
Tod diya yakin mohabbt par se jisne mera.Woh shaks ab b pyr krne ke kabil kyu hai.

10) Kabi inbox k msgs ko palat kar dekhiyega,apko ek shaksh yaad ayega, bhool jaoge zamane k bheje sare SMS,jab hamare sms ka jikar ayega.

1) 1 Ladka CallGirl ko upar baitha k sex kar raha tha
BOY - Tum daily kitna kama leti ho?
CalGirl - 2000
BOY - Sach batao
CalGirl - Roji pe baithi hu, Jhooth nahi bolungi.

2) Phool murjate acche nahi lagte. Aap lund khujate acche nahi lagte. Umar hai shadi kar loo. Roz Roz bathroom mein hilate acche nahi lagte....

3) Cycle mistri ne suahrat ke din biwi ko bath tab mai leta diya, biwi boli ye kya kar rahe ho? mistri bola jenman mujhe to ched pani mai hi dikhta hai

4) Question : Give an example of "Complete business failure due to negligence "?

Answer : A pregnant prostitute ...!

5) Ladkiyon k 5 jhuth
1. Main 16 saal ki
2. Lip kiss nahi
3. Full open no
4. Dhire-dhire karo
5. Ooh mar Gai.

) Jakham suk te jande ne, par mitane bahut aokhe ne, sajjan rus te jande ne, par manane bahut aokhe ne, yaar yad te aa jande ne, par bhulane bahut aokhe ne

2) Yaar mile oh jo kare Pyar par jatave na, dard sanu hove par oh seh pave na..
Oh jad v mile Jaffi pa k mile, beganya di tarah duro Hello bulave na...

3) Duniya badal jandi ae nazare badal jande ne,ithho tak ke haneriya raata de sitare badal jande ne,tera koi kasoor ni yaara, door reh ke ta saare badal jande
ne.
4) Yaad Teri ch sanu chain koi na, sade utte tainu rehem koi na, j koi kudi kahe ek msg bhejan nu ta tu bheje hazar, par 'sade' lai bireya tere kol time nahi
va.

5) Ankhan de vich saroor hai...Mukhre te noor hai...Apni kisi "GIRL FRIEND" di saheli nal Gal hi karvado saleyo. Hale ta mera "Viyah" bahut door hai.

) Purana Loha becho.
Teen dabba becho.
Tute fute saman becho.
Plastic ke dibbe becho.
Raddi akhbar becho.
Un paiso se Balance dalva k sms to BHEJO.

2) Arz kiya hai :
Soch samaj k na ki shaadi jisne, Usne jivan bigad liya,,
Aur chaturai se ki jisne shadi, usne bhi kya ukhad liya..
Wah.,Wah.,
3) U R MY BEST, SMART, CUTE, LOVABLE, SWEETEST nd INTELIGENT FRIEND.
NOTE : - Is msg k sabhi shabd kalpnik hai Inka wastawikta se koi sambandh nahi hai

4) What's the similarity between Marriage & 11:59 pm?
..?
...?
....?
.....?
......?
Simple-Dono k baad 12 bajte hai....aur.. . din badal jate hai..!!
5) Boy : Suit bada acha pehna hai
Girl:Thanx
Boy:lipstik bahut achi lagai h
G:Thanx
B:make up bhi bahut acha kia h
G:Thanx "bhaiya"
B:fir bhi sundar nhi lag ri ho.

6) why do monkeys eat bananas & not grass? .. .. .. ..??

SORRY, it's ur personal matter,
i should not interfere.. ;-)
8) Santa apni biwi k offic gaya to dekha Boss k godi me baithi dictation le rahi thi.
Santa - Chal Laajo, aisi jagah kam nahi karna jahan staff k liye kursi b na ho!.

9) Q:- Aisi-Taisi kab hoti hai?
Ans:-Jab loose motion lage hon aur pajame ki ganth na khule.
10) Mohobbat me jene wale..
'Khushnaseeb hote hai.'
Mohobbat me marnewale..
'Ajeeb hote hai.'
Aur..Harwaqt. .
Mohobbat ki baate karnewale..

'Badhtameej hote hai'..Bt wait.
Aisa apun ko lagta hai.
Aapko kya lagta hai ?
Jawaab deneka.
Warna jawaab nhi denewale..

Dimaag k marij hote hai !

John asks his grandpa:"Do you still have sex with granny?"

Grandpa:"Yes, but only oral."

John says:"What is oral?"

Grandpa:"I say Fuck you,and she says:Fuck you 2.".

enjoy....... .

bobby_brown

Teacher: Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay

saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay?

Kid: Miss agar aap road pay billi ki

tarah ghoomo to aap ko pata chal jayegaâ

enjoy....... .......
Do u know y God made gaps between fingers??
No?
Coz!
Some 1 come in ur life,
Hold ur hand and slowly say
"Le cigrate or sootha laga"

------------ --------- --------- -

Ap ko "CHODA"
Ap ko phir "CHODA"
Ap ko bar bar "CHODA"
Ap ko hamesha hamesha k leye :CHODA AUGUST " KA MAHINA MUBARAK HO
------------ --------- --------- --

In a crowded bus:Girl: excuse me brother that's my seat
Boy: Ok, but im not ur brother, my father never fuck ur mother.
Girl: But my father did

------------ --------- --------- --

True friend stand behind u during ur bad time. Do u want a
documental proof for this? Check out ur marriage album, U wil find
ur friends behind u
------------ --------- --------- --------

Teacher explain "Responsibility with example"?
Student: Madam ur blouse have 4 buttons, out of which 3 r open, the
entire responsibility is to open the 4th button also.

------------ --------- --------- --------- -----

Sardarni: Meri bra utaro

Sardar ji: Yeh le

Sardarni: Ab meri panty bhi utaro

Sardar ji: Yeh bhi le.........aur bol....

Sardarni: Khabardaar, agar aage se mere kapde pehne to....
------------ --------- --------- -

Santa in train: Yaar kal sari raat so nahi saka, need nahi aayee,
upar ki seat mili thi.

Banta: To seat exchange kar leta

Santa: Kis se karta, neeche ki seat khali thi, koi tha hi nahi.

------------ --------- --------- -

Doctor to Old man:

Babu jee, aap ki neeche wali dono golian nikalni padengi.

Old Man:

Jab bandook hi nahi chalti, to golion ka kya kaunga beta...
------------ --------- ---------

Secret of long life...
Morning 2 eggs
Evening 2 pegs and
Night 2 legs

------------ ------

Do sardar gaddi se jaa rahe the. Ek billi ne rasta kaat dia.
Ek sardar bola" iski maaki chut" dusra sardar bola" chut se yaad
aiya bhabi kaise hai?"

------------ --------- -------

A guy walks into a local pharmacy and walks up to the counter where a
lady pharmacist is filling prescriptions. When she finally gets around to helping him he says, "I'd like 99 conndoms please". With a surprised look on her face the pharmacist says, "99 Conndoms!?! Fucck me!"

The guy replies, "Make it 100 then..."
------------ --------- ----

Pathan: Oye bakray k ran keha ha? Qasai: bakra langra tha.
Pathan: or bakre ka dil? Qasai: Khan saheb bakra n dil bakri ko de
dia tha.
Pathan: or dimag? Qasai: dimag nahi tha kion ke bakra pathan tha.

------------ --------- ------

1 pathan 40 din ka chila kat raha hota ha, shetan ko pathan ka chila
torna tha,
woh pathan k samne nanga late jata ha.
Pathan chila tor ker, os per char jata ha or gand mar deta ha.
Shetan: dekha khan saheb, kaese tera chila tora.
Pathan: abey teri gand merne k liye hi chila ker raha tha

------------ --------- --------- ------

Wife husband ko: uff under karo, or under, thora left
thora right, thora oper, or oper or thora neeche
husband: abey chodwa rahe ho ya parking kara rahe ho.

------------ --------- --------- ------

Teer kia chalari ho dhar to talwar ma ha
Dupatey se kia chupati ho maal to shalwar ma ha

------------ --------- --------- --------- -

Ap ka dogi apse roth gaya
Ja k ganday nale ma doob gaya
Doobte hue bola ab or zulm nahi sahenge
Ek gher ma do-do nahi rahenge

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------

Ma n jab bhi tumha dekha......
............ ......
............ .....
Hamesha hanstey hue dekha....... .......
............ ....
............ .... Muskarate dekha!....
............ ......... .. tum har waqt khosh rehte ho
............ ......... ......... ......
kahin tum......... .....
Malang to nahi ho

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Larki: Jan aj tumne jab kissing kerte hue chew gum apne moa se
mere moa ma dali, to maza agaya.....
Larka: Janu woh chewgum nahin, burgam tha.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --

FUCK U
Relax! It means
F= Flowers for U
U= Unlimited love for U
C= Chocalate not sweater then U
K= Kiss for U
U= always make me happy.

so I fuck u again.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ---

A white couple had black son. Husband: Janoo ye kaese hua?
Wife: Janoo tum bhi garam they, ma bhi garam thi, tu bacha jal gaya.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------

Police has arrested me for killing a gal. Believe me I didnt kill her
I just asked her "will u merry me?"
and
and
and
woh khoshi ma margaye.

------------ --------- --------- --------- ---

Arz kia ha:
Mat cher in haseeno ko ye tere bas k bat nahi
.......
......
ye khelti ha jin khilon s wo khilone hi tere pass nahi

) Sometimes wen i cry no 1 c my tears,
wen i m woried no 1 c my pain,
wen i m happy no 1 c my smile

lekin

sala. 1 ladki k saath ghume to sab dekh lete hai..

2) SANTA- Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mujhe 1000 Rs chahiye. BANTA- Dost hi dost de kam ata hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar aur ja ke purse le aa..

3) Aaj mene 1jaan bachai.
Vo aise bachai
Fakir ko pucha.. 1000 ka note dun to kya karega?
wo Bola..
khushi se mar jaunga.
Mene kaha..
ja
nahi deta...!

4) One sardar putting dog tails into pipe 2nd sardar:-abe kutte ki puchh kabhi seedhi nahi hoti...1st sardar:-abe janta hun, mujhe to pipe bend karna hai....

5) Chahe
gussa kro

chahe
galia nikalo

chahe
sir pito

chahe
cel todo

chahe
ghr ka saman bhkher do

hum to isi time
GUD NIGHT
kahenge..

6) "LIPS" bhindi ki tarah,

"GAAL" tamatar ki tarah.

"EYES" matar ki tarah.

Poora face "GOBI" ki tarah.

ya ("ALLAH")
ek dost dia

Wo b Sabzi Mandi ki tarah..

7) Niche aapke liye 'DUSMANI' ka gift hai

||
||
||
||
danda hai, sir pe maro na tab akal thikane ayegi, dusmani me bhi gift chaiye.!

8) Pyaar karne se pehle pyaar ka anjam dekh lo
.
.
.
Pyaar karne se pehle pyaar ka anjaam dekh lo
.
.
.
Na yakin aaye to
.
.
.
.
Film TERE NAAM dekh lo..

9) Sardar darvaze pe GUN liye khada tha.

Wife:Yaha kyo khade ho?

Sardar:Sher ke shikar pe ja raha hu.

Wife:To jao.

Sardar:Kaise jau bahar

10) Sardars always studies in front of a mirror coz

1) it helps in saving revision time!
2) he can keep a watch on himself!
3) he likes combined studies . . . . .

"It takes a minute to have a crush an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone" Be in touch..

1) AASMAN ME TUM HO,ZAMIN PE TUM HO,HAWA ME TUM HO,JAHA BHI DEKHO TUM HI TUM HO.

DOMEX WALI AUNTY SAHI KEHTI HAI

"KITAANU" HAR JAGAH HOTE HAI.....

2) Police ko body mili hai,
Kale Dant hai,
Ghosle jaise bal hai,
Shakal paglo vali hai,
Pair ulte hai,
Mujhe tumhari chinta ho rahi hai.
Zara mis cal to do,tasalli ho jayegi.

3) Air hostess: Aap 1 gante me 4bar toilet gaye! R U OK? Kya aap ko chein nahi hai? SARDAR: 'Chain' hai par khulti nahi hai!!!

5) Jab ap paida hue, tab aakash se phul barse, apsharao ne nirtya kiya, ghi ke diye jalaye gaye or Brahmaji bole "Chalo chutkara mila,ab duniya wale
bhugtenge"..

6) Ye pyar bhi ajeeb hota hai,
Maa se ho to mamta,
Pita se ho to kartavya,
Bhai se ho to dharm,
Behen se ho to farz
or
Biwi se ho to

Sonu-Monu
Chotu-Pappu.

7) Jevan k kathin rasto pe kaun apka sath dega? mummy/papa.?Nahi husband/wife.?Nahi frnds.?Nahi brother/sister.?Nahi are bhai apki CHAPPAL Or kaun ???

8) Pyar kabhi na karna pardesi se
rote-2 naina thak jayenge.
Pyar karna hamesha padosi se
roz khidki se darshan ho jayenge

9) Ravan-Maai..Bhiksha de do..
Lady-Yeh lo..
Ravn-Rekha paar karo
Lady cross d line
Ravan-Haha!
Me bhikshuk nahi RAVAN hu
Lady-hehe.Me bhi SEETA nahi kamvali hu..

10) IT tax Officer hass raha tha. Dusara: Kya huva? Pehla:Mallika sherawat ka ITreturn hai Dusara:tho? Pehla: Laundry ka bill 7 lakh bataya hai.

"It takes a minute to have a crush an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone" Be in touch..

1) Which is the "Confusing Day" in America?

THINK~
THINK~

It's "FATHER DAY"

2) Night was dark, moon was high, boy stopd his bike, girl asked him y, he came clos 2her, she felt shy.
he went near her & told her 2 words..

PETROL KHATAM.

3) HATHODA OF THE DAY:-

Who Played Double Role in SHOLAY?

Think..?
?
?

"King George"
jo Amitabh k Coin k Dono Side pe tha

5) Lamha lamha waqt gujar jaega... 7FERO k sath koi Tumse bandh jaega abhi Bhi waqt Hai kisi SE affair kar lo kya Pata kal kaun sa Namuna tumhe saup diya
jayega...

6) Once Great Warrior Alexander saw a Little Child playing with a Lion,He surrendered his sword at the child's feet.Now da Child has GrownUp & wishes u Gud
morning

7) Jab Aap hamse ruth jaoge
Jab Aap hamse khafa ho jaoge
Jab Aap hame bhul jaoge

Tab
gaal pe aisa thapad padega ki sab yaad aa jayega

8) Jo daar gaya ...
...woh maar gaya!!!
(wah!)

Jo daar gaya ...
...woh maar gaya!!!
(wah!)

Aur jo nahi daara...
woh ek din pehle mara!!! ;)
(wah wah!)

9) Agar
kabhi
tumhara
akele ka
panga
10 aadmi ke saath
ho jaaye to
mujhe
bula lena..

.
?
.
?
.
?

Maine
kabhi
kisi ko
maar khaate
nahi dekha hai.

10) My sweetheart,
My kuchikoo,
My nonumonu,
My golumolu,
My darlng,
My cutipie,
My jaanu,
My lovely,
My hertbeat,
My sweetst

DOLL'S

is missng.
dikhe to batana..

1) Teri Tasvir Aankho Me Basi Kyu Hai,
Jidhar Dekho Udhar Tu Hi Kyu Hai,
Teri Yadon Se Taqdeer Hai Lekin,
Tujhe Na Paakar Taqdir Ruthi Kyu Hai.

2) SMS jake usko "HELO" kahna, smile kare to "SO SWEET" kahna, delete kare to "SORRY" kehna, or padhne k baad agar mujhe miss kare to "SAME 2 U" Kahna...

3) Mere chehre ki udaasi ko na jaan sake wo"
jite ji na hume pehchaam sake wo
de di humne apni jaan unke pyar mai
fir bhi hamari mohobbat ko saccha na maan sake wo

4) Kyun hai tumhe sitaro ka gam, jab sara aasman tumhara hai.Gaur se dekho jamin par,har kadam par sath hamara hai...

5) Hum na Ajnabi Hai Na Praye Hai.
Aapke Hi Jism-o-Jaan Ke Saye Hai.
Jab Bhi Ji Chahe Mahsus Kar Lena.
Hum Aapki Hi Sanso Me samaye Hai.

6) Socha yad na kar ke thoda tadpaye unko, kisi dusre ka nam lekar jalaye unko, par koi chot unko lagi to dard hume hoga ab koi ye bataye kis tarah se sataye
unko.

7) Pyar se pyari teri dosti.jaan hamari teri dosti.miscalka syrap or smski tablet dete rahena kiuki ek khubsurat bimari hai teri dosti.

8) HUSN AGAR BEWAFA NA HOTA TO ASHIQON KA IS DUNIYA ME NAAM NA HOTA...KAT DIYE HAATH UN MAZDURAON KE ZALIMO NE VARNA HAR EK RASTE PE AAJ EK "TAJMAHAL" hota...

9) Roj aate hai chand sitare magar koi kushi ka paigam nahi aata,Hame to intazar hai jinke sms ka par shayad uhne hamara khyal hi nahi aata...

10) Aaj nahi to kal dosti pe aitbar hoga.. Pathar k dil ko bhi mom se pyr hoga.. Ja mere SMS mere dost se mil..

If u have two balls between ur legs it means u r man.
If u have have four, it does not means that u r superman, iska matlab aapki koi
gand mar raha hai

I'm organising group sex at my home. Will u join?
Santa: Yes, yes. How many people r there?
Banta: Just three. Me, u n ur wife.

In a party, a lady wanted to go to toilet. She said to Santa: Susu karne ki jagah dikhaao.
Santa: U naughty girl, pehle tum dikhaao.

Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom saath le jaa rahi hai.

Jeeto: Kal chor aya aur mere sath sex karke chala gaya.
Santa: Tumne use roka nahi?Jeeto: Bahut kaha rukne ke liye, bola kal phir aaunga.

Judge: Y do u want divorce?
Banta: She doesn't satisfy me in bed!
Preeto: Tu aithey dc lagyan? Sari colony khush aa, ik teri agg nahin bhujdi.

Girl: Arey itna bada! Munh mein kaise daloongi?
Boy: Jaldi munh kholo!
Girl: Oops, sare kapdey giley ho gaye.
Boy: Aur logi?
Girl: Na baba, yeh golgappe tum hi khao

Gay to his partner in the morning: Aap naraaz hain humse?
Partner: Nahin.
Gay: To phir raat ko meri taraf muh kar ke kyon soye the?

Ek pathan ki shaadi ke 3 din baad uski patni boli, "Maine apse shaadi is liye ki hai ki humare bache hon, is liye nahi ke mujhe poty khul kar aaye.

Dr: Jor se saans lijiye, Lambi saans, aur Lambi then a sound came "khatak"
Dr: Oh! lagata hai aapka rib fracture hai.
Lady: Chup raho, meri bra ka huk toot gya hai.

Santa: What is the similarity between a Bank & a Bra?
Banta: Dono ke ander Jitna MAAL Jyaada Utna Interest Jyaada.
• Santa was teaching Preeto swimming.
After 2 hrs Preeto said: Tell me, will I really drown like a leaking boat if u take out ur finger?
• Jeeto: Doc saab, mujhe thode din bachcha nahinn chahiye.
Doc: Take this condoms.
Jeeto: Ye paani ke saath loon ya doodh ke saath.
Doc: Kele ke saath.
• Gal's father: Beta kya karte ho?
Santa: Ji samaaj seva karta hoon. Gire huon ko uthata hoon, bichade huon ko milata hoon.
Father: Woh kaise?
Santa: Ji Bra banata hoon.
• Banta: Ek white colour ka condom dena.
Shopkeeper: White hi kyun?
Banta: Padosan ka husband guzar gaya hai, afsos karne jaana hai.
• Doctor advised Santa: Dabaa ke doodh piyo.
Santa: Doodh to khoob peeta hoon per wohh dabaney nahin deti.
• Banta: Why are condoms transparent?
Santa: So that the sperms can at least enjoy the scenery!
• Banta's advice: Don't carry umbrella during Rain....keep WHISPER on ur head kyunki yeh ghanton tak geelepan ka ehsas bhi na hone de
• Raat ko ek ladki ne Santa ki car ko rukne ka ishara kia, Santa ne car roki to ladki boli: Oh, Im Sorry! Main samjhi taxi hai.
Santa: Main bhi yehi samjha tha.
• Banta: Was ur wife a virgin when u married?
Santa: I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.
• Preeto comes nude in front of theguests while serving the halwa.
Banta shouts: What's this?
Preeto: Recipe book me likha tha 'Serve hot without dressing'
• Santa: What food u feed ur new born baby?
Beautiful Young Mom: Breast milk & orange juice.
Sardar: Oye, Which side is orange juice?
• Santa: Qutub minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Shyam Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar pe bhi raha karo.
• Santa ne apni sagaai tod di kyunki ladki virgin thi.
When asked why, Santa bola: Jo aaj tak kisi ki nahi hui woh meri kaise ho sakti hai.
• Dhobi police se: Banta ne meri biwi ki ijjat luti!!
Banta: Main press karwane gaya tha, dhobi ne kaha main khana kha raha hoon, istri garm hai mar lo!
• Preeto: Darling, aaj kuch aisa karo ke mere paseenay nikal jaayen!
Banta gets up and switches off the AC & fan.
• Santa: Bhai Saab ek condom dena. Meine girlfriend ko gift dena hai.
Dukandar: Is par cover chada du.
Santa, arre nai yeh to cover hai gift to mere pass hai.
• Santa went to school for getting the report card of his son.
Santa: Madam kab dengi aap.
Teacher: Period khatam hone tak to intezzar karo.
• Banta goes to a Family Planning clinic for advice. He reads the notice at the enterance: 'For Family Planning Use Rear Entry'
He goes back home happily.
• Pappu: Kal papa ke room se pray karney ki aawazein aa rahi thi.
Jeeto: Yeh to achchi baat hai.
Pappu: Papa to chup the, unki secretary chilla rahi thi 'O God...O God'
• Pappu: Dad, today they taught about Sex in the class.
Santa: Ok son.
Later he saw Pappu shaking his penis, he asked what r u doing?
Pappu: Homework Dad.
• 2 Girls were masturbating with carrots. Banta says: What r u doing?
Gals: U naughty guy, will u join us?
Banta: Wait, I'll get a carrot.
• Santa: During sex both of us njoyed, then y should I pay?
Prostitute: For us it's Incoming, so its free. For men it's Outgoing, so u have to.
• Santa raping a gal in car. A cop came & said: What r u doing?
Santa: I'm raping her.
Cop: Ok, I'm next.
Santa: Fine, but I have never raped a cop before.
• Teacher gave a sentence to Santa for translation: Khushi ke maare uski chhati phool gayi.
Santa: Due to happiness his chest turned into breasts.

• Call Girl: Wanna have sex?
Santa: Haan, lekin tum meri biwi ki tarah karogi toh
Call Girl: Vo kaise?
Santa: Free mein
• Pappu: Papa jab aap Honeymoon pe gaye the tab mein kahan tha?
Santa: Putar, jaate waqt tu mere paas tha aur aatey waqt mammi ke paas.
• One night Jeeto's boyfriend asked her: Darling, r u free tonight?
Jeeto shouted & said: a*****e, have I ever charged u before?
• Santa, unable to satisfy his wife, took Banta's advice.
While having sex, he asked her: Do u feel any change?
Jeeto: Yes, today u r doing it like Banta
• Santa: Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyun pada?
Banta: Pata nahin yaar, meri photo neeche gir gayee thi, maine kaha behen ji zara saadi upar karna photo leni hai
• After 3 hrs of sex Santa said to his galfriend: U r not going to see me for a while.
Gal: R u going away?
Santa: No..No... Now turn around
• Why did English teacher slap Santa?
Because Santa asked her: Y is Bra is singular when it covers 2 & Panties plural when it covers only one?
• Pappu was masturbatin g in front of girl's hostel, lukin at his galfriend. His friend asked: What r u doin? Pappu: ****in my galfriend via Blue Tooth

• A female Press Reporter slaps Santa. Banta standing near asks Santa: Y did she slap u?
Santa: On her T-shirt was written 'Press', so I just pressed…
• Santa: Yaar meri biwi pani se bahut darti hai.
Banta: Achaa, wo kaise?
Santa: Kal mein jab ghar gaya to wo bath tub mai bhi security guard ke saath baithi thi
• Santa was sukin girlfriend's breasts.
Gal got excited n said: Tussi hor kuch chahney ho?
Santa: Doodh naal biscuit milangey?
• The wife was crying in pain as Banta was tryin to **** her in the ass.
Banta says: Zyada rone ki zaroorat nahin, mujhe pata hai kitna dard hota hai.
• Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga.
Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai.
Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai.
• Pappu: Dad what's the diff between luv, belief & relief.
Santa: Ur Mom is my luv, ur maid is my relief & I'm your Dad - well, that's my belief.
• In a party, a lady wanted to go to toilet. She said to Santa: Susu karne ki jagah dikhaao.
Santa: U naughty girl, pehle tum dikhaao.
• Santa: My 8yr old son is very naughty, he has made my maid servant pregnant.
Confused Banta: How the hell?
Santa: He took a pin & punctured all my condoms.
• Jeeto was about to give birth to a baby.
Santa: If it looks like u, it would be great.
Jeeto: If it looks like u, it would be a miracle.
• Banta: Did u hv a chance 2 sleep with my wife?
Santa: What r u saying? I'd never even think abt such thing.
Banta: U might want 2. She's much better then urs.

AAJ KAL TUM MUSHKURATI BAHUT HO,
MERE DIL KO BHAATI BAHUT HO,
DIL KEHTA HAI LE JAAUN TUMHEN DINNER PE,
PAR SUNA HAI TUM KHAATI BAHUT HO!

____________ _________ _________ __

apni shaadi me zayaada deri mat karna,
dil tumhari saheli par aa jaye to mat kehna,
main to aashiq hoon khoobsurti ka jaanu,
yadi baarat tumhare pados me aaye to mat kehna.

____________ _________ _________ __

Shayar hun main aawara math samajhna,
logon ko hasaane wala hun joker math samajhna,
pati hun apni biwi ka kisi aur ka math samajhna,
agar yeh dekh kar aap hasey to mujhey shabashi de dena,
nahi hasey to ek aam shayar hun ghalib math samajh lena

____________ _________ _________ __

APNE SASHUR KA DULAARA HUN MAIN,
APNI BIWI KO BHI PYAARA HUN MAIN,
FILHAAL TO YE SAB SAPNE HAIN,
KYONKI ABHI TAK KUNWAARA HUN MAIN.

____________ _________ _________ __

Teri yaad mein humne kalam uthaayi
Liya paper aur tasveer aapki banayi
Socha tha ki usko dil se laga kar rakhenge
Magar vo to bacho ko draane ke kaam aayi...

____________ _________ _________ __

Umeedo ki manjil toot gayi
Aankho se ashqo ki dhara beh gayi
Are tumahri bhi kya izaat reh gayi
Jab class ki ladki bhaiya keh gayi..

____________ _________ _________ __

Mohabbat ka sirap ho tum,
Tension ka capsule ho tum,
Aafat ka injection ho tum,
Par kya kare jhelna padta hai,
Kyonki... DOSTI ka oxigen ho tum.

____________ _________ _________ __

Chappal chhoti ho to
Panw me nahi aati
Biwi moti ho to
Bahon me nahi aati

____________ _________ _________ __

Ashik ban gaya,Mat karo waar,
Bura nahee ye pyaar,Bura hai intezaar.
Letter diyaa to, Thappad mat maro yaar,
Bura nahee ye ikraar,Bura hai inkaar.
Sharaabee bana to,Mat dalo ilzaam,
Bura nahee ye jaam,Bura hai anjaam.

The Beauty of English:
Ever noticed how deleting 1 word after the other in a sentence can lead to a story..?

E.G.

Oh UMAiR please dont touch me at all.!

Oh UMAiR please dont touch me at
Oh UMAiR please dont touch me
Oh UMAiR please dont touch
Oh UMAiR please dont
Oh UMAiR please
Oh UMAiR
Ohhh
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
MOOCHI ki BV se us ki Saheli ne poocha
kal Suhaag Raat k se guzri?

B V!
Kute ne dono SURAAKH
'C' daye
or pochta hai or
kahan kahan se phati hai...? ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Boss To Secretory: Book My Ticket For London.. Aur Suno Mera Naam "D.K.BOSE" Likhwana.... !
Werna Airport Pe Mera Naam "BOSE.D.K" Announce Hota Hai.... ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
When an apple is Green, it is ready to Pluck!
& when a girl is 18, she is ready for...

NADRA I D CARD ...or kiya?
Hamesha ganda he sochna.....: -)
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Yeh sookha andar jata ha
Aur
Gila bahir ata ha
Phele chota hota ha
Phir yeh mota hota ha
Jab ye andar rehta ha to yeh red kar deta ha
Thori dair hilane k baad jab ise bahir nikalo to apna kam dikha kar yeh bejan sa bahir ata ha
Kuch aur nahin ha yeh
Is ko kehte han LIPTON TEA BAG...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
SHARABI. Janoo tumhare LIPS kitne Garam, kitne Naram, kitne Pink, Meethe & Geele hain. Girl. Abey Bhosri k pehle meri TANGO ke beech se apna MOO to bahar nikal.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Qus: Why girls cry on wedding day aT The Time of deparTure?

Ans: wo sochati hai k itney saal intezar karney k baad dulha mila bhi to sirf eik.. ;-|
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Aisi Kon c Chez Hai.
jo Woman Mei Aagee hoTi hAi or Cow mEi PeChe.?

.

.

.

.

Its= " W "

W-OMAN

CO-W

Har wAqT NegaTivE Mat Socha Karo... ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Aap ki personality per aik sher arz kia hai,

soraj hamesha chand key sath rahe ga,

Wah Wah,

tou chutiya tha chutiya hai aur chutiya rahe ga,

Wah Wah..>
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Ek sharif admi shadi k bad apni biwi se bola: Aj se tum hi meri Zindagi ho
Rahat ho Tamanna ho!

Biwi: Mere liye b aj se ap hi VIJAY ho AMIR ho aur MUKESH ho.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Tum duniya k un chandh insano mein se1 ho jinko dekh k unka abba kehta hai.?

.

.

K
.

.
Kash

Us din

"main jaldi sojata"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Raat ko sirf 3 tarah ke log jaagte hai:
Bhoot - insan ko darane k liye..
Machar - insan ko satane k liye..
Husband & Wife - insan ko banane ke liye
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
15 to 20 saal ki larki football ki tarha hai aik k pechay dus log.

21 to 30 saal ki larki cricket ball hai aik k pas ati hai baqi reh jatay hain.

31 to 40 saal ki larki to nahi hoti,
Woh aurat hoti hai jo table tennis ki ball ki tarha hai aik kehta hai tu rakh dusra kehta hai tu rakh ! =P
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
For India, its Ind.

For Pakistan its Pak.

For Australia its Aus.

For Argentina its Arg.

For Germany its Ger.

Then what's for
Brazil & London.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Heights Of Patriotism :

U sitting on an English toilet

in INDIAN style.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Q: What is the diffrence b/w

1. Call Girl

2. Girlfriend

3. Wife

Ans:
1. Prepaid

2. Postpaid

3. Free & Unlimited. . . . ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Jab Bhi Zubaan Per Tra Naam Aata Hai

Ye Haath LUND ki Taraf Chala Jata Hai

Tujhe Paane K LIye Kaam Aisa Ker Jayenge

Ek Baar De De Werna Hila Hila Ker Mar Jayenge . . .;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Chaha Hai Jise Chahat Se Zyada

Smjha hai Jise Muhabbat se Zyada

Bharosa hai Jis pe Khud se Zyada

Tu Hi Hai wo....

KUTTA, KAMEENA, HARAMZADA..
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Y do we always praise shahid afridi who scored 100 runs of 37 balls. The real record blongs to DHATRASTRA In MAHABHARAT who scored 100 sons of only 2 balls.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Monika Lewinski asks:
Laaloo jee u r so intelligent, but why u have 9 children?

Laloo jee replied: Humarey time mein woh 'Muu mai Lainey Wali Baat Nahi thi na.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Girl After Having Sex With 4 Boys In Hostel. . .
"I shud go, I'm Getting late"

Boys:"Kuch Dair Aur Ruk Jao. . ."

Girl: "Aur Nahi Ruk Sakti, Papa Bila-Wajah Shak Kerte Hain"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Define Rape. . . . ? ? ? ?

"It is an operation without co-operation for the insertion of erection into depression without permission for the production of future generation."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Why Studying is better than sex
10. You can usually find someone to do it with.

9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick up where you left off.

8. You can finish early without feelings of guilt or shame.

7. When you open a book, you donï¿½t have to worry about who else has opened it.

6. A little coffee and you can do it all night.

5. If you donï¿½t finish a chapter you wonï¿½t gain a reputation as a ï¿½book teaser.ï¿½

4. You can do it, eat and watch T.V. all at the same time.

3. You donï¿½t get embarrassed if your parents interrupt you in the middle.

2. You donï¿½t have to put your beer down to do it.

1. If you arenï¿½t sure what youï¿½re doing, you can always ask your roommate for help
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
A woman went to the police station and complained that she is being sexually harassed by her colleague. The policeman asked ï¿½What does he do?ï¿½. The lady replied ï¿½Everyday morning he comes to me and says ï¿½your hair smells good todayï¿½!ï¿½. The policeman was confused ï¿½Ok madamï¿½ ï¿½Ok madamï¿½ but how can you call this sexual harassment?ï¿½. The woman said ï¿½He is 3 feet tall!ï¿½
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
As they watched a hot love scene on a cable channel, the husband asked his wife, ï¿½Why donï¿½t you ever make love to me like that?ï¿½

ï¿½Are you kidding?ï¿½ she replied. ï¿½Do you have any idea how much she gets paid to do that?!ï¿½
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Which Part Of The Body Is Most Sensitive While Watching Adult Movies. . . ?

Guess What . . . ? ? ?

Ha Ha Ha . . .

Uï¿½re Wrong. . .

ï¿½It's Your Ears To Make Sure K Koi Aa Tou Nahi Raha. . . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Couple Fucking On Upper Berth & Drain There "STUFF"
On The Head Of "BALD MAN" Sleeping At The Lower Berth. .

Bald Man Oh Shit . . . What The Hell Is Going On. . .? ? ?

Couple: Sorry Sir. . .! We r On HONEYMOON. .

Bald Man: To Hell Wid Ur HONEYMOON . . . But Don't Drop Ur "HONEY" On My "MOON". . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Baba Peshaab Ker Raha Tha Larki Ne Dekh Lia
Aur Shararat Se Boli
"Baba G Aap Ka Lund Tou Chawal K Jitna Hai"

Baba: Ye Puraana Chawal Hai, Daigh Main Ja Ker Phoolay Ga . . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Sardar Was Using Condom For The First Tm & Unfortunately It Was Left In

Wife Asks: Ab Kia Ho Ga ? ?

Sarda : Kuch Nahi Bacha Plastic Coating Main Aayega. . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
What is the Similarity between Toothpaste & Boobs?

Guess ?

Its easy !!

U know the answer !!

Kholo.. Dabao... Muh me dalo aur Fresh ho jaao. . . . ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
What Is The Similiarty Between Girlz & Mobile Phones . . . ? ? ?

Dono'n
Main Jitna Ghuso Ge , Utne Functions Pata Chalainge . . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
One Day A Man Goes To Bank For Withdrawing Cash.

Lady Cashier Asked: So So Ke Loge. . .?

Man Replied: Kharey Kharey Bhi Chalega. . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Girl: I'm Sure K Dunya Main Sab Se Bari Tumhaari Lulli Hai . . .

Boy: Acha, Wo Kaise. . . ?

Girl: Kion K Is K Baad "LUND" Ki Category Shruu Ho Jati Hai . . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Jab Aapka Naam Zaban Par Aata Hai,

Pata Nahi Dil Kyo Muskurata Hai.

Tasalli Ho Jati Hai Lund Ko Koi Tou Hai Aisa

Jo Hanste Huey Har Wat Gaand Marane Ko Tayyar Ho Jata Hai. . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Wife In Sexy Mood Lovingly Offers Husband: I Want To Have A Wild Experience. . . . Tie Me Up & Do Whatever You Want . .

Excited HUSBAND Ties Her Up & Fucks The Maid. . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Ek Sardar G Ko Baat Baat Pe Gali Bakne Ki Aadat Thi . . .
Wo Apne Bete K Saath Diwali Main Mumbai Jate Hain . . . Ek Chota Bacha Pathaka Chalata Hai . .
sardar G Bolte Hain: Oye Behan Di Fuddi Kithe Ja K Phati Hai
Sardar G K Beta Bolta Hai:
"Papa Jalandhar Wali Bua Di K Ludhyane Wali Di". . . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
SeX Age!

Age 8 IGNORE it.

Age 18 XPLORE it.

Age 38 ASK 4 it.

Age 48 BEG 4 it.

Age 58 PAY 4 it.

Age 68 PRAY 4 it.

Age 78 FORGET it.

Age 88

AB MAR BI JA GANDU
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Jab Aapko Tatti Na Aaye. . .

Aap Bethe Bethe Thak Jayen. . .

Pressure Bhi Na Aaye. . .

Yaad Karna Us Raat Ko Jb Hum Ne Aap Ki Gaand Mari thi

Shayad Phr Se Aap Ki Gaand Phat Jaye Aur Tatti Aa Jaye. .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
A white Couple Had A Black Baby. . .
Husband Didn't Believe It's His Baby. . . He Askd Wife Why Baby Is Black. . . ?
Wife Said: I was Hot, u Were Hot, So Baby Burnt. . . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Burnol Aur Viagra

sardar ki jangh jaal gayi,

dr. ne burnol aur viagra likh ke di

sardar bola burnol to samza par viagra kyon?

dr. ne kaha usse blanket uncha rahega
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
One night, the cop was making his routine night patrol. As he pulls up the main street, he finds two trucks parked in the middle of the road with the lights on and the doors wide open.

He decides to go and investigate. As he climbs up into the first truck he sees that itï¿½s empty. He thinks to himself..."Maybe they're in the other truck conferring over a map." So he takes a look in the second truck and sees it's empty also.

As he's walking back to the patrol car to call for a tow truck, he hears sounds coming from underneath one of the trucks. He shines his light and sees two truck drivers, Banta on his knees and Santa kneeling behind him going at it.

The inspector says "Hey! You can't do that here in the middle of the road. It's illegal!"

Santa says, "You don't understand. My friend was having a heart attack."

The inspector replies, "That's not what you do for a heart attack. You're supposed to give mouth to mouth rescucitation! "

To that Santa says, "I did! Thatï¿½s how it's started!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
70 WAYS TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY. . . .

NUMBER 1 IS SHOPPING

AND THE REST IS ï¿½69ï¿½. . . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she asks, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!". . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Why Man Hold Boobs & Put Nipples In Mouth Bfore Sex. . .

Guesss . . . .

Bï¿½coz

Naag Ko Uthane K Liye Doodh Pilana Zaruuri Hai . . . ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Man 2 Kid : Jo Bachay Muunh Main Anghoota Lete Hain, Unka Pait Phool Jata Hai

Ek Din Bache Pragnent Aun Ko Dekhta Hai Aur Kehta Hai :
"Mujhe Pata Hai Tum Kia Choosti Ho" . . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Raat Ko Old Couple Main Larai Ho Jati Hai Aur Wo So Jate Hain
Thori Der K baad Aadmi Jag Jata Hy Tou Aurat Kehti Ha i: Utha Hai Mera Sher Kuch Ker Hi Soye Ga . . .
Aadmi Bolta Hai: Kerne Karane Wale Ki Maa Ki Choot Sher Utha Hai Abhi Is Liye K Mootay Ga Aur Phir Soye Ga
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
A well-known motivational speaker gathering the entire crowd's attention,
said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who
wasn't my wife !"

The crowd was shocked!!!!! !!!

He followed up by saying, "That woman was my mother!"

The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which was well
received.

About a week later, one of the top managers who had the training decided to
use that joke at his house. He tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It
was a bit foggy to him.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a
woman who was not my wife!"

Naturally, his wife was shell shocked, murmuring.

After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half
of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who
she was !"

As expected, he got thrashing of his life time....

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
once a poor farmer's son gets married
due to lack of space he decides to divide the room into 2 by a thin cloth so that his son can enjoy his first night
in the night when his son is pumping his wife with full speed the old farmers wife asks the farmer to do it too
the farmer does it once and gets exausted but the son carries on and the farmers wife forces the farmer to do it again after doing it again the farmer is really exausted but the son starts again so the farmer goes over to the other side and says
"beta competition kyon laga raha hai maa to teri hi chudni hai". . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!"
And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!. . . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
A Sardar Named Surinder 'G.A.A.N.D.U'
Goes To An Advocate To Get His Name Changed.
As He Had Been Teased For It His Whole Life.

Advocate: O.K. Can Be Done.
What Would You Like Ur New Name To Be?

Sardar ( After Much Thinking) : GURINDER 'G.A.A.N.D.U' . . . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Main Teri Aankh Se Aujhal Ho Jaon Ga

Duur Bohat Fizao'n Main Kho Jaon Ga

Meri Yado'n Se Lipat Ker Roye Ga Tu Bohat

Jab Main Teri Gaand Mar Kar Farar Ho Jaon Ga. . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some. . .

she asked: "How hard is it?"

he replies: "About as hard as my dick"

To which She Replies: "OK, then pour me some!". . . ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear." . . . ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" asked the one.
"Well, not exactly." his friend replied, "she's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly - I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.".
Chahta Hoon Tujhe Pyar Doon
Dosti Pe Apni Zindagi Waar Doon
Par Jab Tera koi REPLY Nahi Milta To
Dil Kerta Hy Teri G@ND Pe Goli Maar Doo......... ......... ........
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Father & son went to medical store Father buys pack of condoms

Son:
Whats this?

Father:
Its medicine for killing rats

Son:
O bhenchod!

Ch00t mein bhi choohe..!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Manmohan America gaye..>>BUSH se bole,raat ko maal bhejo..! >>Bush:16 saal ki ya 20 ki..?Manmohan: 65 ki bhejo,hum America ki beti nahi maa ch0dne aye hain..!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Husband: Tum meri kis cheez se sabse zyada impress ho..?
Life Style,.
Car,.
Bank Balance.?
Biwi: Tumhare Sexx se..,tumhara jaisa Sexx mohalle me kisi ko nahi aata..!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Ye ladkiya b kitni chalaak hoti he,apna 16 rupye litre wala DUDH ka lalach dekar hamara 180 rupye kilo wala GHEE nikal leti hai..!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
16 sundria Swiming pool me naha rahi thi, achanak . . Pool ka sara pani sukh gaya ! Pucho kyun ? Yahi he asli WHISPER ka kamal"Gilepan ki chhutti..
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Girl to boyfrnd-Dear, do u know apki lulli duniya ki sabse badi lulli hai??
boy-Achcha,
Girl-kyun ki,iske baad lund ki catagari hoti hai
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
dentist was caught raping a girl. Next day headline, "Dentist caught filling wrong cavity".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
newly married husbnd to wife at his in-laws home- chalo darlin aaj sex karte hai....!!!

wife- nahi ye mere baap ka ghar hai...!!

husbnd- to kya mere hi baap ne randi khana khol rakha hai????
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
ghalib na fermaya : koi saheli na mili to na sahi , tere jesa dost tu mil gaya

WAH WAH

chalo choot na mili tu na sahi .. tere jesa chootiya tu mil gaya
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Aftr marriage couple in bed
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She:0h!dat feels gud.
hand moves 2 her breast.
She:Honey,dats wonderful.
hand moves 2 her leg.
She:0h honey dnt stop.
He stops.
She:Why did u stop?
He: Coz I found d remote!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Ultimate thought:

Failure is not when ur girlfrand leaves u,
its only when u leave her..

.....virgin
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
On first night
Wife: aaj mera upwaas hai!
Husband slaped his wife and said
kya mere lund par aata laga hai
jo tera upwas toot jayega
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Kisi condom company ne world-cup ko sponser kiya hota to uski advt me aise likh
te....
Cover your STUMP.
Before you PUMP
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Responses during sex_
a) GIRLFRIEND - Wow darling, this is gr8...
b) PROSTITUTE - Come on.. finish it now..
c) WIFE - I think d ceiling needs painting....
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
TOTALLY NON-VEG
Bhosri Plaza Hotel
'MENU CARD'
Grilled m ummay;
Achari l und;
P huddi of the day;
Tandoori b und
L ullian sirkay waali:
Chilly c hoot;
T attay mughlai
Gori b und da halwa;
Nargisi t attay;
P huddi pakoray;
L und folooda;
Mard makhan naan;
Afghani g and kabab;
Daigay m ammay;
L und khara masala;
B hosri fried rice;
Melted t utti cream;
P eeshab up;
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Whats the height
of bad luck...

A man had sex in
dream and got AIDS
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Two Sardars got into a heated argument.While argueing, 1 of them shouted "Kiss My A ss!"The other replied "This is not the time 2 b romantic'.. :-)
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
Banta to wife : It is shame but let me confess I have become HOMOSEXUAL.

Wife: How come?

Banta: I have Sex at HOME only!
Wife:Thank god I am not
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Da ultimate truth of Life is dat,"SUCCESS KISSES U IN PRIVATE"

But....

"FAILURE ALWAYS FU CKS U IN PUBLIC"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
What is the height of shock?

When you are having sex with a pregnant woman and suddenly a hand
grabs your dick from inside!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
A Couple Was Kissing In Da Garden
Suddenly Dog n Bitch Start Fucking

Boy: Janu Mera Bhi Dil Kerta Hy Main Bhi Ker Loon

Girl : Ok, Par Sambhal Ker Kutiya Kaat Na Le
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Milk Products According To Breast Size . . . ! ! !

32 Tarang
Chota Pack Bara Maza

34 Everyday
Jaise Chahe Piyo

36 Olper’s
Un K Liye Jo Dil Khol Ker Peete Hyn ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Nasbandi ki team ko dubara apne gaon me dekh kar ek budha bola, "In logo ne connection to pahle hi kat diya tha,

ab kya HANDSET bhi le jayenge?
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Dad-Beti ki Shadi zaldi karni chahiye.
Mom-Ji ha,kitchen se roj GAJAR,MULI gayab ho rai he
Grndfathr-Do din se meri lakdi bhi gayab hai
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Pilot to tower:"i'm 300 miles from land,600 feet over water & no fuel,plz instruct."
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Tower to pilot:"Gaaaand marao!!!"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Agar Gandhiji ke samay me AIDS hota to kya hota?
.
.
.
.
.
Toh chautha(4th) bandar underwear ke saamne haath karke khada hota
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
Degrees Of Girl

BA – Beautifull Ass

LLB – Lovly Lickable Breasts

BSc – Beautifull Sexy Cunr

MBBS – Member Of Big Boobs Society

MBA – Married But Available ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
1 Larka Mar Gya Tou Us Ki maa Roty Huey Boli; Mere Larke Ne Dunya Main Dekha Hii Kia Tha

1 Parosan Larki Boli : Maine Tumhare Larke Ko Sab Kuch Dikha Dia Tha ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
Grl 2 Swami: Can i c d future?
Swami: Gt nakd & bend & he startd oiling her asss..
She: It feels u're gonna fuk me?
Swami: dekha tum future dekhne lagi na..!!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
Aaj maine
2 kasme
khai hai...

1) Parai ladki pe nazar
nahi
dalunga.

2) Kisi bhi
ladki ko
paraai nahi
manungaaa!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------
zara sambhal k

zyada bhaari chiz mat utana

waqt pe khana

waqt pe sona

apna khayal rakhna

Q

k

Teesra mahina chal raha hai na

2008 ka!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
Shaadi K Baad Larke k Dosto'n Ne Larke Se Poocha "Kaisi Rahi Suhaag Raat?"

Larka Bola : Aray Yaar Kabhi Khaandan Main Shaadi Nahi Kerna

Dosto'n Ne Poocha K: Kyun

Larka Bola : Jab Main Zor Zor Se Kerne Laga Tou Wo Boli

"KAMRAN BHAI" Zara Aaram Se . . .
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
A Guy Wanted To Lose Weight

He Went To A Diet Centre

It Offered Plan A or B

He Took Plan A

He Was Than Taken To A Room Wherein A Good Looking Naked Girl Wid A
"If U Catch Me, U Can FUCK Me" Sign Was W8ing For Him

He Never Caught Her But Lost 50 Lbs

After 3 Days

He Decided To Try Plan B

Thinkin Tht Shud B Better
Excited, he Quickly Enteed The Room

A Horse Was W8ing Wid A Sign That Says
"I'll Fuck U If I Catch U" ;->
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Shazada Saleem:- Anarkali ham tumhari Phudi Lena chahtae hae

Anar Kali:- Shahzada Hazur itni Bari cheez maang li aap nae

Shahzada Saleem:- ohhhhh ager itni bari hae to rehnae he do.......... ...

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